When We Were Young
by Catygirl
Summary: Inspired by the Adele song, this story looks at a possible reality where Elizabeth went to Baghdad and things did not go well. Told mainly from Henry's point of view the story begins at President Dalton's inaugural ball.
1. Chapter 1

When We Were Young

Chapter 1 – Seeing her again.

 _This story is inspired by the Adele song, When we were Young. It is set 2 years before the start of season 1 and is completely AU (you will see what I mean when you get to the end of paragraph 2). The story is finished and I will post regularly. Hope you all enjoy. It is not beta'd but I hope not too bad. If anyone is interested in helping me with that please PM me._

The ball room was crowded, far too many people for Henry to actually enjoy the evening. He had come alone, mainly because he had no-one to take. He had been single for a while now, not through his choosing, but definitely single.

The noise in the room was increasing as more and more people arrived and it was almost at the point where Henry couldn't see the door he had set himself in view of. He didn't really want to be here but it was the only way that he could see her. She hadn't come to any of the kid's birthday celebrations for the last year. He had invited her for Christmas, he hadn't heard back and so he and the kids had gone to Pittsburgh to his parent's.

The door opened and the new President, Conrad Dalton emerged from the shadows surrounded by secret service agents to make his way to the stage for his inaugural ball. Behind him came Secretary of State elect, Elizabeth Adams. Now that had hurt. He hadn't known anything about her selection for the job until the DS agents had arrived at his door to inform him of the protection protocols for the children in case they were ever in a situation where they might be under threat. Elizabeth hadn't even bothered to contact them herself. That had been a real blow but he had felt the knife in his heart when she had been announced on TV under her maiden name.

Henry sighed, he was here to ensure that the kids were not going to be adversely effected by their mother's new job. God knows they had suffered enough from her last one.

"I don't know what it will be like when you return." Those had been the infamous words he had used in the biggest fight of their marriage. He hated to be proved right. Elizabeth had gone to Baghdad, she had taken the desk job to try and solve all the problems of the Middle East. However, as he had predicted it wasn't enough for her. She had solved some problems but discovered new ones and ultimately couldn't leave them. One year had turned in to two. He had taken the kids to meet her in France one summer, she had appeared for a few days but another crisis had hit and she had left. They had stayed for four weeks and she never reappeared. They had come back to Virginia and the hole in his heart that had opened when she left increased even more. They hadn't heard from her in months and then she had called.

Ever since she had first gone to Baghdad, they had spoken on the phone, at first it was every night, then every couple of nights. Finally, after the unexplained absence, they settled on a Sunday because with the time difference it was the one day when both she and the children were free, by that time it was more about her relationship with them than with him. He was here to make sure the vague relationship she had with all the kids wasn't ruined or exploited.

Jason barely knew her, and although he would catch his little boy talking to the picture he had of Elizabeth on the wall in the living room, Jason really didn't know what he was missing. Jason was almost two when she left and now he was 10. He had grown up without his mother and Henry needed to make sure that Elizabeth wasn't going to change her MO and actually want to spend time with him to advance her new political career.

Stevie had been 10 when Elizabeth had taken the job in Baghdad, she had not understood why her mom cared more about people in another part of the world than she did about her. Elizabeth had been changed by the time Stevie had seen her again, she wasn't the open, loving mother that had left, Elizabeth had seen too much. Stevie had wanted the mother who refereed little league games and ran the cake stall at the PTA day. Elizabeth had swept her daughters teenage cares aside and in one memorable argument had told her to grow up and to stop focusing on things that didn't matter. Stevie had not asked to see her mother again after that and often deliberately missed the weekly calls. If Elizabeth had noticed she never mentioned it. Henry was here to ensure that Stevie who had struggled with most aspects of being a teenage girl without a mom, would not be subjected to the public eye of her mother's new job.

If Henry was doing this to protect Jason and Stevie it was for Allison whom he was here to ensure that the damage of her mother's absence would not be increased by her mother reappearing. He was pretty sure that they wouldn't be asked to play happy families but you could never tell and if Elizabeth had changed a lot in the last eight years and wanted a political life then who knew what the future held. Allison had been six when her mother had disappeared out of her life and was now fourteen. She had struggled with the fact that Elizabeth wasn't there. She had cried herself to sleep, retreated in to herself and ended up on mild anti-depressive drugs. It had taken all Henry's love and attention to get her to be the child she was now and if Elizabeth thought she would waltz back in then she had another thing coming.

Henry was feeling like two different people at this moment, the father whose rage was increasing with every move Elizabeth made across the ballroom floor and the husband who even after all this time was completely in love with his wife. In the six years they had been officially estranged, following the two years where he had tried to maintain family life and a marriage single-handedly, he had never had anyone else. Every time a woman came on to him, whomever she was, he would always compare her to the Elizabeth he once knew. Elizabeth had been the love of his life, she had been the only one he had ever been with and despite the anger she managed to instil in him, she still managed to get his blood zipping with lust. He was so messed up.

Henry followed her progress across the room, at least she wasn't hanging off the arm of some gorgeous guy that he would feel less than perfect against. He had wondered with the use of her maiden name whether divorce papers would be in the mail but they had not come in the last month since Dalton had announced he would be seeking confirmation of Elizabeth as his Secretary of State when he took office. He had never got on with Dalton, he was the one who would call to say Elizabeth was not coming back, or wouldn't make a meeting they had set up, for whatever reason. However, it was also Conrad Dalton who had brought him here tonight. Henry had been happy to contact Elizabeth at her new office but Conrad had insisted that he come to the ball to see her, what he didn't know was whether Elizabeth was behind the invite or if she even knew her boss had made it.

He was watching her very closely so he saw the moment she realised he was in the crowd. Well she was a spy and until 4 months ago probably the best one that their country had. He had hoped when she was leaving the CIA that she might decide to come back to them but it was all part of the plan to get her a political career, something he never assumed she would want. But what did he know, he thought she didn't want to be an 'in country' operative and then she had become one for nearly 6 years. He didn't know what she did once she had left the middle east but she hadn't made her base in Virginia with them.

He didn't look away from her intense gaze but held it, tonight he was in control and for the first time in 8 years she was damn well going to listen to him. She was clearly startled, although she covered it well, he could still read her like a book. So that answered one question, Dalton hadn't told her that he was invited. What the hell was the new president trying to do?

 **AN: So let me know what you think, like everyone I love hearing if people have enjoyed my writing, please no flames, I'm feeling fragile. More to come soon.**


	2. Making it Clear

Chapter 2 -Making it Clear

 _Thanks for all the reviews and likes, they do make me smile. So here we go, Henry and Elizabeth meet each other again. Thanks to the reviewer who pointed out the British word – bloke in chapter 1. I have uploaded a new version and changed this. If you spot any more, please forgive me and then let me know so I can go over it again. I am British (Scottish actually) so sometimes can't catch the wrong vocabulary myself, although I do try. Any help gratefully received. On with the show_ …

Henry made his way slowly towards Elizabeth, holding her gaze as he approached. The hotel ballroom was full and it was slow progress. He got within about 5 metres when the security agents stepped in front of him.

"Jeff, let him through, he's here to see Bess." Conrad spoke forcibly causing both Henry and Elizabeth to look at him. Henry quickly looked back at Elizabeth in time to see the look of incredulity cross her face before her mask was back on.

Henry decided he was enjoying his wife's discomfort and decided to push her even further. He reached out his hand to shake Conrad's hand. "Mr President, thank you for the invite."

Conrad smiled and took his hand, "No problem Henry, I feel I owed you, after the last few years."

Again Henry glanced at Elizabeth as she digested the conversation, her confusion evident on her features.

Conrad reached into his pocket. "Here, there is a room booked upstairs where you can talk, I need to keep Elizabeth here until we are presented, but then she is all yours." He handed over the key card to one of the hotels rooms and began to walk away. He then turned back seeing both Henry and Elizabeth looking a little stunned. "Stay, eat something, I'll make sure she doesn't run away again." He put his arm around Elizabeth's waist and moved her through the room towards the stage.

Henry could see that Elizabeth had no idea what was going on at all, and she really didn't like it. He found that oddly comforting as it meant he still had the upper hand. So, knowing that she couldn't escape Dalton's security or the president's plans for their evening, he went over to grab a drink and some finger food. He had been worried about this meeting, really worried, but maybe Conrad had a reason for bringing him here. His mind was beginning to mull over the president's surprising intervention. 'What did he mean about Elizabeth running away? She hadn't run from anything, she had walked calmly away and never returned.'

He watched as Conrad, Lydia -his wife, the new Vice President, Elizabeth and a man Henry didn't know but was introduced as Conrad's chief of staff, were introduced to the crowd. The applause building with each introduction. The crowd then settled as Conrad began to speak. Henry listened, with vague interest, and then was shocked when Conrad met his eyes across the crowd and seemed to speak directly to him.

"Others of you in this room have had to sacrifice a great deal in order for me to take on this roll. I am truly humbled that you have been willing to do this." He cleared his throat. "However, others, like my dear wife, have not had a choice in what has happened to them. To you, I offer an apology. Your lives have been changed by the decisions I have made and I will do everything in my power to ensure that you are given the opportunity to try and make amends."

There was, what seemed to Henry, an uncomfortable pause, but then the new President rallied again and began to speak jovially about those who had assisted his campaign. Henry stood staring at the man who was now the most powerful in the world, clearly giving him a message that he really didn't understand and although the speech continued, Henry couldn't have told anyone what was said. After a few seconds he turned his attention from Dalton to Elizabeth who was looking as confused as he felt. The quicker he got to speak to her the better, because it really sounded like Conrad blamed himself for he and Elizabeth's relationship breaking down. Something was going on here, Elizabeth had been out of their lives for eight years, that couldn't all been down to Conrad. No, this was her decision, he had kept all lines of communication open and she had repeatedly shut him down.

He quickly finished the orange juice in his glass, looked at the card he had been given and began to make his way across the room. Conrad finished his speech and there was loud applause and people pressing towards the stage, making Henry's progress more difficult. He was quite surprised when the crowd seemed to part like the Red Sea and in front of him was Elizabeth and Jeff, the Secret Service agent.

"Dr McCord, the President has ordered me to be at your service and provide protection for the Secretary elect for the rest of the night. If you will follow me, please." He bowed slightly and guided them from the room, ensuring that both Henry and Elizabeth followed him closely behind.

Elizabeth was looking positively mutinous. Henry, for his part, did not really relish the idea of talking to her. However, the fact that she was so against it actually, in a twisted way, made him quite happy at the prospect and he set off behind the agent with quite a spring in his step.

Jeff took the card from Henry and used it to access the hotel elevators, stepped in when one arrived and waited for them to join him, politely informing several people waiting that, for security reasons, they would have to wait for the next elevator.

The atmosphere as they ascended got more and more oppressive. Henry tried to think about the last time he was alone with Elizabeth, completely alone. It had to be when they were in Paris, almost 6 years before. That thought alone caused his breath to hitch. Sure he had seen her since, Christmas', birthdays, but never had they been alone since then, they hadn't slept together since then. What the hell was Conrad playing at, they weren't ready for this, they could barely hold a conversation on the phone.

Henry's dread only increased when the elevator stopped and Jeff stepped out leading them down a long, luxurious corridor. It reminded Henry of the hotel they had stayed in on their first anniversary. He had been so completely in love with her back then. Then he huffed, of course the real problem was he still was in love with her.

Jeff stopped at a door and used the card to open it.

"I'll remain outside Ma'am, if you wish to go anywhere else during the night please don't try and leave without me, the President has put you in my care and I take that obligation seriously."

"Thanks Jeff, I'll not sneak off I promise." Elizabeth spoke for the first time as she walked passed the agent and into the room.

Henry moved in behind her, nodding to the man who then pulled the door behind him.

Now there was just the two of them, and Henry had absolutely no idea what to say. Minutes passed and neither said a word. Henry put his hands in his pocket and slowly pulled out his wallet that contained a picture of his beautiful kids. It was in that moment that Henry decided to do what he came to do, yes this whole room thing had sent his mind spiralling but he came with a particular purpose and if he did nothing else he was going to fulfil that.

He cleared his throat. "Elizabeth, I have no idea why Conrad wanted me here, but I came to ensure that the kids are not going to be hurt by your new political role."

Elizabeth turned from the window she was staring out of. She looked a little surprised, "Hurt them? How would my job hurt them?"

Henry sighed, should he be tactful or just blunt? He figured this could be the last time he saw her so he might as well be blunt.

"Well the last job you had nearly destroyed them, so I need to make sure this one does not go the same way."

Elizabeth stared at him. "How did it destroy them? I did as you asked and stayed away, I thought you would have been delighted." She scoffed and sat in one of the chairs not risking sitting on the bed in his presence.

Henry stared back at her incredulously, "How did it destroy them!" he shouted then repeated himself "How did it destroy them! My god have you no idea what you did? Well let me enlighten you."

He stood in front of her and slapped the picture from his wallet on the table, pointing to Stevie who was in the middle. "Our incredible first-born struggled to work out why people in another country were more worthy of your time and affection than she was. Of course when you told her during one of your sporadic calls that she should man up and realise that there were bigger problems in the world than her latest boy crisis, then she got the message, you didn't love her enough."

He strode away to the window and turned and spoke vehemently. "It has taken all my effort to stop her going off the rails and she is now leaving high school as valedictorian and I will not let you breeze in, claim to want to get to know her for the benefit of polling numbers and then drop her like a stone again." Henry was on a roll. He paid no attention to her, it was enough that she was in the same room as him and for the first time in a long six years, she had to listen to him.

He walked back to the picture and firmly pointed at their son, "Then there's Jason, you remember him, the little toddler you left, the baby _you_ had wanted, not me. Now don't get me wrong, I loved him from the minute I knew you were pregnant but at the start, you wanted another baby, a boy, remember." He looked over at her enough to catch the small nod of her head then again moved away from her. "Good, well he is 10 years old now, bit of a conspiracy theorist, but in his eyes the CIA did kidnap his mother and stop her from coming home for years, so it's hardly surprising he believes in all the conspiracies going. Oh and he talks to your picture, sometimes in a nice way about his day, others in a rage against the mother who didn't love him enough to stay with him." Henry's mirthless laugh echoed in the large room.

"Then of course, there's Ali, you see our middle child is a little bit of both of us. She's brilliant but incredibly sensitive and she just couldn't get to grips with the idea of not seeing you for nearly two years for you then to disappear again after four days. So when we got back from Paris 6 years ago she was so down that a doctor had to prescribe anti-depressants. So yeah, I have done everything I could think of to stop your absence making their lives worse so I'm not going to let you back in to destroy everything I have kept together or let you parade them to the media as your happy family for political kudos. That's why I came."

Henry finally turned from his pacing to face his wife. He was quite surprised to discover that she was weeping with her head in her hands. It took all of his strength not to go to her, he had never seen Elizabeth lose it like this.


	3. Discoveries

**Thanks for all the reviews and likes. I know this is mainly from Henry's points of view but rest assured you will get to understand Elizabeth's point of view from here on in. Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoy the continuation of this story.**

 _Previously in chapter 2._

 _I have done everything I could think of to stop your absence making their lives worse so I'm not going to let you back in to destroy everything I have kept together or let you parade them to the media as your happy family for political kudos. That's why I came."_

 _Henry finally turned from his pacing to face his wife. He was quite surprised to discover that she was weeping with her head in her hands. It took all of his strength not to go to her, he had never seen Elizabeth lose it like this._

Chapter 3. - Discoveries

Elizabeth was shaken to hear her family described in that way, and the way Henry spoke to her was a surprise even after their estrangement. Finally, Elizabeth looked up from the ground and faced her husband. "Why didn't you tell me to come home?"

Henry's rage raced back in and peaked. "I told you not to go! Wasn't that enough. I told you I would be waiting but I couldn't promise what it would be like. Well I waited. I waited for a year, constantly telling the kids it was a short assignment, that you would be back in a year. We even made a calendar, counted down the days. Imagine my surprise when the date for you coming home came and went. We were still talking then, and I asked you when you were coming. You told me you were sorry but they needed you, the country needed you. I accepted and got the kids another calendar. Then we came to Paris. God, you weren't even there when you said you would be…."

"It's not my fault there was a crisis Henry." Elizabeth butted in with a clipped tone.

"No it isn't but you still put that crisis ahead of us and our children." He paused. "You know on the way up here, I realised that was the last time we were alone. Six years ago! You breezed in and for two days it was perfect, you were so attentive to all of us. We had that amazing night and then the next day it was like a switch had been flipped. You began to distance yourself from us, then you left and we waited. I waited! Four weeks Elizabeth, without a word from you and then Conrad called, you had to go on another mission, it couldn't wait. You would be back as soon as you could."

Elizabeth shot up from the chair, "And you told me not to bother coming back!", her shout was as loud as his, but the anguish behind it shocked him.

"What?" His confusion showing on his face.

Elizabeth's anger was now increasing as she shouted at her husband. "Oh I got your message loud and clear Henry." She pointed at the picture, "The kids were better off without me!" Then pointed at him, "You wanted to move on with your life. If I couldn't get back in good time, then not to bother." She waved her arm at him, gesturing wildly.

She stalked over to him, her anger and anguish boiling, she stopped within a few feet of him. "Well sorry Henry I was a little tied up, literally! You know that three-month gap in our communication, did you ever stop to wonder if maybe I couldn't contact you and that actually I was being held prisoner by some pretty nasty people. But no, its fine as long as your precious life wasn't ruined by a wife who couldn't make check in every week." She turned from him, aware that she had revealed something she had never wished to discuss.

The choke in her voice when she said the word 'prisoner' was enough to force Henry to stare aghast at her as she retreated from him, "Prisoner, when were you taken prisoner?" he whispered.

She sighed, the anger and emotion disappearing from her voice as she simply told him, "After Paris, I went on that mission and it went to hell in a handcart." She paused taking in his still features and shock, she continued quietly. "I was left injured behind enemy lines. Didn't Conrad call you?"

Henry was struggling to find the right words after her revelation, "No…..no-one did….you left, he told me you had a mission and then nothing, not until the Christmas Eve call that year when you said you wouldn't be home and you didn't expect to be back in the US for a long time."

There was a stunned silence in the room and Henry was getting a very sick feeling deep in his gut, could Conrad have orchestrated all this, is this what he meant in his speech.

Thinking of Conrad brought Henry back to earlier that evening. "Why did Conrad say you had run away?" He asked quietly and she looked quizzically at him. "Before…. Downstairs….. he said he wouldn't let you run away again."

She shrugged her shoulders, "Because I suppose I did," She said defeat obvious in her voice. "He told me you didn't want me near the kids, so I got another assignment, and another and was happy you were at least letting me talk to them."

"Elizabeth, we talked every week for years, you never said anything."

Elizabeth looked at him blankly, did he really not get it. "What was there to say. It took nearly a year for me to get over my physical injuries," she crossed her arms in an attempt to fight the memories. She mentally shook herself and then quipped, "it was a good thing the connection was always too poor to video call. I didn't want the kids to see me like that, so I stayed away."

She looked directly at him. "Anyway, You didn't look for me, I figured you were told what happened and decided I wasn't enough for you either. When we spoke you were really cold, and always handed me to one of the kids really quick, so I respected your decision. I came home when I could, tried to make the important occasions…."

Henry was reeling, all this information was so difficult to process, he focussed on getting facts. "What about this year? you missed their birthday's and Christmas, you didn't even call and we'd invited you."

Elizabeth laughed with almost a sneer, "Oh your sister told me exactly what to do with those invites."

Henry wasn't even following this now. "Sister! Elizabeth what the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb Henry, it really doesn't suit you." Elizabeth answered incredulously. When the kids called when you were in Pittsburgh last Easter, I could hear Maureen behind them, I could hear all of you making comments about my absence and how it would be better if I cut myself off, then they could get on with their lives."

Henry could feel the strength leaving his legs and sunk down on the end of the bed and hung his head, "I wasn't there." He finally whispered.

"What?" She finally looked at him, and saw his distress but she too needed to understand what had happened.

Henry looked and met her gaze while he explained. "The kids went by themselves, Shane came to pick them up from the house, I was really ill so my parent's agreed to look after them for the holidays. I joined them a few days later and they told me they had managed to call you through your brother Will…" He paused, considering what she was saying and got angry again, he stood quickly and faced her. "Maureen told you not to come home….ever….. And you took her word for it!"

Elizabeth took in his reaction and tried to explain, "I thought you were there…..that you agreed with her."

"Why on earth would I not want you to come home, I love you for god's sake!" He stopped, realising his slip and turned from her.

Elizabeth walked across the room from him, "No Henry, you don't," She scoffed at him, "You don't love me anymore. If you loved me you would have reached out years ago."

"No….it was you that didn't love us enough to come back." Henry started pacing again.

Elizabeth's anger came back as she shouted at him, "I loved you, I have been in love with you for nearly 25 years, but you told me not to come back."

Henry stood still watching her, seeing the emotions cross her face as she struggled to hold in the tears. His mind was spinning as he thought over their entire conversation, "No, I didn't…. Conrad did." He finally said quietly.

He saw the shock register on her face but continued trying to explain his reasoning, "That's what you said, you left us in Paris and Conrad gave you a message from me, only it wasn't the full one I gave him. Yes, I was angry and I told him you needed to choose but then I said you were to keep safe and to get your ass home ASAP."

"No, he wouldn't do that, he wouldn't lie like that." Elizabeth could feel the tears starting again.

Henry felt sorry for her, "But he did, that's what all this is about, it has to be." He indicated the room with a wave of his hand and then pointed between them. "He told you not to come back so you would focus on the mission he had for you. You got captured and he never told you that his message wasn't true. Maybe he had his reasons, maybe he thought you would be a better operative without worrying about us, and then you went missing."

Elizabeth was desolate, her face pale and her hands were shaking. "But he knew how much I missed you, that I wanted to go home."

Henry sighed, he really did not want to defend the man who, it seemed, had singlehandedly ruined his life but he found himself putting forwards reasons for this betrayal. "He was head of the CIA, you were his best analyst and operative, I suspect he thought it was for the greater good."

"Six years, six years I have put national security ahead of our kids. My god Henry, what have I done." Elizabeth couldn't stop the tears that were falling as she sat heavily on the chair.

The uncomfortable silence from before had returned, then Elizabeth jumped up, "I need to see them. I need to explain." She moved to leave the room.

"NO." Henry said catching up with her and firmly pulled her back, ignoring the shudder that went through her when he touched her. He let go quickly as if he had been burnt.

"I need to Henry. I need to see them." She looked up, pleading with him.

Henry was struggling, torn between the Elizabeth who had been so remote for years and the one in front of him bursting with emotion. "Look," he began quietly, "this entire conversation has completely rocked my understanding of the last few years and I can see it from an adult's perspective." He tried to smile reassuringly at her to show he was attempting to understand all they had discovered. However, he then firmly stated, "You can't just throw this at them and expect it all to be fine."

Elizabeth nodded, she did understand but she too had been shocked by the conversation they'd had and needed to make sure he understood what she wanted. "Please tell me you won't keep them from me."

He sighed and turned from her deep gaze again. "Elizabeth, we are going to have to talk much more before you can see them. You have been out of their life for a long time."

Elizabeth pulled herself together and with a more determined voice than before asked, "But I will get to see them, yes?"

He looked back at her from the other side of the room and could see her sincerity. "Yes," he agreed, then added, "but only once we have talked more, perhaps once I have punched Conrad," he added flippantly, and then got serious, "and more importantly once I have spoken to the kids."

He looked at her waiting for her to acquiesce, but before she did he added another condition, one he needed given what had gone before. "I need you to promise me that you will do this my way, we need to meet again, soon, and decide what to do, but I won't agree to meet unless you agree not to get in touch with the kids."

Her entire world had shifted and she no longer knew what was right or wrong, but even after all this time she did trust Henry so she nodded. For the first time since she'd recovered from her injuries 4 years before she now had the chance to get back into her kid's lives and she wasn't going to lose that chance.

 **AN: So there you have it, there will be lots more detail in chapters to come. Have a good weekend folks.**


	4. Talking about it

Chapter 4

 _Hi folks, sorry not to update this weekend but I couldn't get on to the system. Did anyone else have issues? Also it wouldn't let me reply to reviews, so to everyone who commented on chapter 3, I really appreciate your thoughts and comments – keep em coming! Now, on with chapter 4._

Henry felt like he was walking through treacle. Everything about Elizabeth that he had thought was true was a lie or at best a misrepresentation of the truth.

He drove out of the city to make his way back to the family farm. They had purchased the farm in the month before Elizabeth had gone to Baghdad. Things had been strained, to say the least, and he had hoped that purchasing something that reminded her of her childhood would encourage her to come back. Clearly that hadn't worked, but in the midst of missing his wife, he had grown to love living on the farm. The wide open spaces gave him the time to think, to reflect on the fact she had chosen to stay away. Except, she hadn't! His thoughts were brought so sharply into focus, he almost had to stop the vehicle. He was really struggling to believe what had happened that night. Everything had changed.

He pulled his car into the garage, walked into the house and locked the door behind him. He went round the kids rooms to check how they were. He had only told Stevie his real reason for going into the city. She had been pretty ambivalent to the whole thing. He had no idea how she would react if she found out her best friend's father had stopped her mother from being in her life.

He went into his son's room first. Jason was fast asleep, his comic collection spread all over the bed with his torch still on, clearly he had been breaking light's out curfew again. Henry smiled as he collected the comics, everything from Superman to Iron Man, switched off the torch and tucked him in to bed.

Henry moved on to Alison's room, she was 14 now and turning into a real teenager, her room was covered in pictures of boy bands and the latest fashion. Henry wasn't sure how he was going to cope as she got older, she was already threatening to give him a makeover! She was still awake, despite the hour.

"Hi Dad" she sounded anxious, "Is everything ok?" He had not told her anything about the trip but her constant nervous state meant he knew she was anxious simply because he wasn't there.

He kept a smile on his face, "Everything's fine sweetie. Go to sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

Alison stared at him as if to see if she could ascertain any problems in his gaze but she finally lay down satisfied all was well. "Ok, night Dad."

"Goodnight Noodle." He said, internally praising his acting skills because everything was far from 'fine'. He pulled up the covers under her chin and kissed her forehead.

Henry left Alison's room and made for Stevie's room. He steeled himself for the conversation he would have, and for the beginning of gathering information. He had to confirm if Elizabeth's story about the phone call from Pittsburgh had been true.

Stevie was sitting on her bed, a book in her hand and her new iPad beside her.

"So I assume you saw her at the President's ball?" Stevie asked without even acknowledging his presence.

"Yeah, like I told you, Mr Dalton invited me to attend."

Stevie barely looked up but he could tell that she had been thinking about his meeting for the whole time he was away. "I saw the footage of her arriving, she looked good."

Henry sat on the seat beside Stevie's bed. "Yeah, she did."

Finally, Stevie looked at him, her stubbornness showing in the way she crossed her arms and the fire in her eyes. "So, does she want to play happy families, cos I really don't think the nerds could cope with that."

Henry sighed, it was classic Stevie defensiveness, she was worried about herself but would never say that so instead she told him the other two would struggle. "Stevie." His defeated tone and posture put her completely on alert.

"What happened Dad?"

He took a deep breath. He hated unburdening himself on his daughter but they had grown very close in the last few years and he needed to tell someone, something. "Things seem to be more complicated than I ever thought they could be."

"What do you mean?" She uncrossed her arms, more curious than angry now.

"Can I ask you something first?" He said quietly.

She moved from the centre of the bed to sit closer to him. "Sure."

"Do you remember last Easter talking to your mom?"

Stevie thought for a couple of minutes, "Eh…yeah….I was surprised she talked to us actually. She was distracted, as usual, but seemed ok…why?"

"Can you remember what the rest of the family were saying while you guys were talking to Mom?"

"No, we were on speaker phone I know that, Ali and Jase were both trying to speak at the same time. Oh I think Aunt Maureen was making some comments, but you know how she is, she never liked Mom."

"No, she didn't."

Henry wiped his hand down his face, he needed to come clean. He needed to tell her what was going on. Stevie reached out and squeezed his hand. "Dad, what's going on?"

"Honey, I think there was more to mom not being here than we knew. Yes, she got caught up in Baghdad and that was the wrong thing for us as a family, but after Paris I think something happened that changed everything."

"Something bad you mean?" She asked, surprising even herself when she felt her eyes fill with tears at the thought.

Henry simply nodded, he didn't want to tell her.

"Tell me, Dad" Stevie implored him. "I'm 18, I know the world isn't always a great place, tell me."

"Stevie, I know you're old enough but this is your mom we're talking about. Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Stevie considered his question, in the years since her mom had virtually disappeared she had gone through various scenarios in her mind about things that could happen to her mom. At times she believed her mom deserved to be punished for leaving them, especially Ali, who herself had nightmares about what could happen to her mom. At other times she felt like Alison did, the panic would creep in, especially if her mom missed a Sunday night call. Now, tonight, it might be that she would find out some of those things did happen. Did she really want to know details? She looked at her dad who'd been clearly shocked by the meeting he'd had with her mom. She nodded at him, "I need to know dad, but maybe not all the details though."

He squeezed her hand reassuringly, "In all honesty, I'm not completely sure what happened. but after Paris your mom went on a mission, she was injured and captured. It took them three months to get to her."

"Injured? In what way?" Stevie was shocked, why didn't they know this at the time.

"I swear sweetie, don't have details, your mom didn't tell me."

"Why didn't we know? Why didn't she tell us?"

Henry looked away from his daughters demanding gaze, this was gonna hurt her as much, if not more than it hurt him.

"Honey, the injuries aren't the worst thing I found out tonight." Henry took a deep breath and turned back to meet her eyes. "When your mom didn't come back to Paris I got a call from Mr Dalton, he said she was on a mission and wouldn't be able to meet us there so we should go home. I was angry and upset at your mom and told him that she needed to choose, us or the CIA. I told him that she was to keep safe and get her ass back to Virginia." Stevie smiled at the thought of her father tearing strips off the Harrison's dad. However, she quickly realised that Henry wasn't laughing with her.

"Stevie, Mr Dalton didn't give mom the message, well he did, I suppose. He told her the first bit only and added that I said you guys were better off without her and that I didn't want her back."

Stevie gasped. "No, he wouldn't do that!"

"He did honey."

"No…how do you know she's telling the truth? I've been at his house with Harrison lots of times, he knew I missed….." Stevie stopped, it was the first time in years that she had admitted to her father that she missed her mother.

"I believe her Stevie; Mr Dalton did this." Henry said heavily.

Stevie stared at her father, while she distrusted her mother she had grown to completely trust her father. If he believed her mother, then it had to be true. She could feel the emotion building in her chest and she could do nothing else but burst into tears and Henry simply moved on to the bed to hold her.

Seeing his daughter in such distress, in a way that she hadn't been in the last few years, Henry realised he was glad that Conrad had security around him because Henry would have been seriously tempted to drive to the White House and use some of his old marine moves on him.

Stevie continued to sob into her father's shoulder, then finally took a deep enough breath to speak quietly, her anger at her mother surfacing again a little. "She didn't have to believe him though, why didn't she talk to us? Why did she believe him?" Her final question released more tears as she curled herself into her dad's side.

"Oh baby…. I don't know we need to talk to her more, but enough must have resonated in your mom's head and she believed it. Then when she got freed she wasn't in a good place Stevie, the way she talked she assumed we wouldn't welcome her back. She believed the message to be true. She thought we knew about her capture but it appears Mr Dalton failed to inform us of that as well."

"She's ok now though isn't she? I mean we've seen her since but I suppose I never really paid attention to her, God that sounds awful." She covered her face with her hands.

Henry continued to hug Stevie and tried to relief the guilt he could see building because this really wasn't her fault. "She seemed fine, but this is a big shock for her too. She believed she was doing what we wanted and is really distraught that her absence caused you pain not relief."

Stevie sat up from her father's side having made a decision. "I need to see her dad, I need to look in her eyes and see if this is true."

She stood up from the bed, ready to find her clothes and head in to the city, she stopped seeing her jewellery box on her bedside table "Oh my god, this all makes everything make sense." She picked up the box, a gift from her mom several years before. "She limited her calls, she sent presents to us but when she turned up it was like she didn't want to be here. We should have known this wasn't right."

Henry stood up beside her and spoke firmly. "No, honey, don't do this to yourself. I'm still reeling from this and I know for a fact that didn't see this coming." He briefly hugged her and then stepped back. "As for seeing her, I think that is a really good idea. We all have bridges to build and it's not going to be easy. Ali was a wreck when your mom didn't call on her birthday this year. Jason still shouts at the picture downstairs. I can't let her near them until I know the absolute truth, even if it means going to get it from Mr Dalton. But you, you're older and while you might be angry I think you need to talk to your mom. However, we're not driving in to the city right now"

Stevie smiled a little at him. "Do you have her cell number?" she asked quietly knowing he hadn't before tonight but hoping that had changed.

"Yeah, she gave me it before I left her. She was on her way to speak to Mr Dalton." He smiled at her. "We might have a new President by dawn, she looked that angry."

"Call her dad, please. I need to hear this from her."

"Are you sure? I spent most of this evening yelling at her, she might not be in a good place to speak to you."

Stevie had gathered enough information during the conversation to know that wouldn't be the case, so she stared at her dad and asked, "How did she react when you worked this out?"

Henry smiled again, that was the crunch question and Stevie had hit the nail on the head. He got out his cell phone and the little card Elizabeth had given him. "She was completely and totally devastated that she had missed six years of your lives and she wanted to come see you straight away."

Stevie nodded and waited with her hand out for her dad to give her the phone.

Henry dialled the number and handed her his phone. He hoped Stevie was right and that Elizabeth took the call because if she didn't she was going to find it even harder to get back into her children's lives.


	5. Mr President?

Chapter 5

 _Hi there, I have been delighted with the response to this story but so disappointed that I can't thank you personally. Anyone got any ideas about what is wrong with the site?_

 _So the story continues and for those who asked, this is all from Elizabeth's point of view. Hope this meets your expectations, and thanks again for letting me know what you think._

Elizabeth had kept her word to Jeff the agent and not just run out of the hotel room. Instead she had walked into the corridor after Henry had left, demanded Jeff contact the other agents and find out exactly where the President was. Jeff had heard back that the President was back in the White House and that Elizabeth was welcome to visit him there. So, she told Jeff to tell them she was coming and to give a message to the new President; remember Paris.

She and Jeff had made their way down to the parking level of the hotel, Jeff had secured a driver and a vehicle and they began speeding towards the White House. Elizabeth was struggling to control her emotions. She had never expected this outcome to inauguration night. Seeing Henry at the ball had been enough to confuse her without what had come afterwards.

Elizabeth had known when Conrad had asked her to be Secretary of State if he won the election that she was going to have to deal with her relationships with her family. The new job was going to be in the public eye, with all the media attention that would bring, and there was also the possibility that someone could use her family to get to her. So in the back of her mind Elizabeth had planned a meeting with Henry to discuss the situation, somewhere neutral that she could control. She knew the meeting would have to be soon because now she was based very close to them and with the inauguration, her confirmation in the new role would happen quickly.

In her wildest imaginings she could not have predicted this outcome to the meeting, and it was her job to analyse situations. She was annoyed at herself and the fact that she had let her marriage die so easily. She knew that leaving for Baghdad was going to test her relationship with Henry but she had not expected it to end her relationship. She also knew that her months in captivity had hardened her to the outside world, it was easier to deal with the pain and the shame if she didn't let others in. But to find that the issues she had in response to the kidnapping and her lack of self-worth had been used against her made her so angry.

In fact, sitting in the back of the SUV, she realised that she had never felt so angry in her entire life, not when her parent's had been killed, or when terrorists attacked on 9/11. Her mentor, no -her friend, had deliberately separated her from her family for a reason that she couldn't comprehend. She had lost 6 precious years of her time with her family and she had to focus on the anger because if she let the despair take over, she would be overcome.

She had been changed by her time in Baghdad and now knew it had not been wise to stay the extra year. If she had come home after the meeting in Paris it would have been difficult but they could have got their marriage back together. She sighed thinking back to that time, she found it difficult to remember given what had happened so soon after it but, Henry was right they'd had two fantastic days with each other. She had received a call from Conrad and she could remember raving to him about spending time with the kids, and then, was it the next morning or later, she couldn't remember, the next mission had come up.

She stopped short in her musings, everything coming with a clarity that she was unprepared for. Oh no, that was it wasn't it.

That garbled conversation on the phone with Conrad. She had been talking about going home, about working from Langley again. The next day, he had called with intel to send her into Afghanistan. She had left her family and her life had changed forever. He couldn't have planned that, could he? He wouldn't have pulled her from Paris to keep her in the Company, would he?

Her car pulled in to the White House and she handed over her ID to the security detail at the gate. Once she arrived at the visitor's door she was greeted by Russell Jackson and told that Conrad was expecting her in the Oval Office. She nodded, well if he thought that his new office would scare her into not confronting him, then he was about to find out how wrong he could be.

She followed Jackson along the corridors that, if she took the job as Secretary of State, she would come to know well. Jackson knocked on the door and announced her arrival. He then made to stay in the room but Elizabeth wasn't having that.

"I'd appreciate this conversation in private Mr President, I believe I have earned that." It was clear to Elizabeth that Jackson had no idea what was going on and he was definitely curious.

"Give us the room Russell." Conrad spoke, standing up from the seat behind the Resolute Desk.

Russell looked at both of them and then moved through the side door to his new office. The door was barely closed when Elizabeth verbally launched at Conrad. "Is it true? Did you tell me that Henry didn't want me around anymore when that wasn't the case?"

Conrad didn't say anything in response and that annoyed Elizabeth even more. "My God Conrad, you knew I missed my family, you knew that I wanted out, that I wanted to go home. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to them? My kids have been destroyed, that was his word, me leaving them, destroyed them. How could you do this?"

He looked at her imploring eyes and sighed. "You were my best asset. I needed you in the Middle East." He stated matter-of-factly.

Elizabeth backed away from him, from her friend. She had secretly hoped that what she and Henry had worked out was wrong. She had hoped that Conrad hadn't actually done this deliberately but that it had been a misunderstanding.

She stared at him, unsure how to feel but she needed him to confirm what she knew. "You deliberately kept me from my family. You didn't tell them I was kidnapped. You didn't tell them that I was injured. God, and when I asked why they didn't know, you blamed them, you blamed Henry!" She was getting worked up now. How dare he mess with her life like this. He wasn't the man she thought he was.

"Are you not going to say anything?" She demanded. Although she wasn't sure what he could say, nothing could make this better.

"I'm sorry." He finally said, again without much emotion. "We were looking at the bigger picture, the greater good, and I needed you there. You have done amazing work. It was the right call." He eventually finished definitively.

"But it wasn't your call to make!" She shouted at him, "it was mine, my family, my marriage. You still have your wife and your son, I have no relationship with mine.", the rage was bubbling inside her.

"I expected you to go back after you recovered from the kidnapping." Conrad tried to justify. "You didn't go."

"You told me my husband no longer wanted me." Elizabeth screamed at him. "What did you expect me to do, go grovelling back to him with a broken body and PTSD so bad that I could barely stand anyone touching my hand never mind anywhere else." She paced in front of the desk. "No, I did exactly what you hoped, I threw myself back into the CIA and continued to be a valuable asset." She spat at him.

"What are you going to do now?" He asked, still not revealing any emotion.

Elizabeth was aghast at the question, she wanted information about his deception not whether she was going to be his Secretary of State. Her emotions quickly turned to anger again. "Honestly, I have absolutely no idea. Maybe I should just ask you," She gestured at him with her arm, "clearly you planned all this. You invited Henry, you booked the room. Tell me Mr President, how did you see this playing out?" condescension dripping through her words.

Finally, she seemed to have gotten through to him and Conrad couldn't hold her gaze. He quietly began speaking. "I had a long talk with Harrison after the election. He had been to your farm for the weekend to see Stevie. He told me that they had drank a bit too much in your hayloft, nothing happened, they just talked. Stevie had told him she missed you and it hit me, just like that. The irony that I was talking to my son freely and that I had perhaps stopped you being able to talk to your daughter. Then a couple of days later, I asked you about Christmas and you said that you weren't planning to see the family and I realised how much damage had been done. I couldn't in all consciousness let you take this job without giving you and Henry the chance to pull your family together."

Elizabeth considered his answer for several minutes. She was still angry, even at this point he was trying to play god with her life. "So instead of telling me all this, you thought the best answer was to invite him without telling me and stick us in a hotel room to talk when we have barely had a conversation in five years!"

Conrad had the decency to wince but then straightened. "I didn't know for sure why you were no longer together; I might not have been the reason. If I told you, then I would lose the best candidate for Secretary of State. If you got together without figuring it out, then I hoped we could both get what we wanted."

Elizabeth was struck by the audacity of the man in front of her. He truly was the country's best spy, the master of misdirection. He had apologised, claimed that he felt bad, but not bad enough to seek her out and tell her the truth. If Henry hadn't put two and two together and they had continued to attack each other for the rest of the evening she would never have known.

Her cell phone started to ring loudly in her pocket and she took out her phone, really surprised to see Henry's name on the screen.

"I'm gonna take this," she waved her cell at Conrad, "because for the first time in 8 years, my family is more important than you. I'll let you know about the job." She walked away from the new president and as she opened the door she answered the phone.

"Henry?"

"Hi…. mom, its Stevie."

Elizabeth nearly fell into the nearest chair; her eldest daughter had not voluntarily spoken to her in over 3 years. "Stevie….baby…it's amazing to hear your voice."

Stevie began to sob on the other end of the phone. "Come home mom…..please!" She implored through her sobs.

Elizabeth was tearful too, she walked quickly through the corridor, trying to calm Stevie down but not answering her directly, she had made a promise to Henry. Although if she was honest, the sobbing noises of her daughter were causing her to doubt if she could keep that promise. Very soon she was back at the main entrance and Jeff was waiting for her, he opened the door of the SUV and she moved to get in.

"Where to Ma'am?" He asked as she passed him.

Elizabeth stopped and backed out the door again. "Stevie, is your dad there, can you put him on please."

She heard rustling and then Henry's voice. "Elizabeth."

Then almost to her own surprise she whispered, her voice breaking, "Can I come home?"

There was a pause and immediately she felt guilty, she shouldn't have put him in that position. She really wished that she could see Henry and be able to read his expression, she was about to apologise when he spoke. "How about you come and stay in a hotel close by, we can talk and you can talk to Stevie and then we'll see." She was surprised at the level of crushing disappointment that she felt but she knew he was worried about the kids. She was also very aware from their earlier conversation that he was not prepared to let her have free access to the younger ones just yet.

Elizabeth tried to breathe again, she knew Henry was right, heck just a few hours ago she hadn't expected to see him or the kids ever again. She could wait a few days. "Ok, I'll go to my apartment tonight, then come down tomorrow, if that's ok." She got herself into the SUV, waiting for Henry's response, she handed Jeff her card with her address on it and once he had passed it to the driver they were off.

She was waiting anxiously for some response from Henry when she heard Stevie speaking again. "Mom…..is what dad said true? Did Mr Dalton tell you to stay away?"

"He did." She replied quietly, hearing the quick intake of breath from both Stevie and Henry.

"He admitted it?" Henry asked, "Did he say why?"

"You were right, I was too good to lose, so he made the call that I should lose you instead." Suddenly it was too much for her and she broke down in the back of the nondescript SUV. She hung up the call, unable to continue speaking even if she tried. She was going back to an empty apartment, with no recent photos of her children and no husband waiting for her. Her life had been destroyed all because she was good at her job.

 **AN: Well there is Elizabeth's response to the evening's conversations. Just FYI about Conrad's roll, I was thinking about what happened with Dimitri and the 'greater good' and how he was willing to get on board with the coup in Iran, a few tweaks in personality and here we are. More to come soon. Thanks for reading.**


	6. Why mom?

_So finally I have been able to say 'thank you' personally to reviewers who have logged in, but to guests this is your thank you. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, this one is very angsty and is now from a combined point of view not just one person. This is part one of this section and chapter 7 is part 2. Thanks for your continued support, it is really appreciated._

Chapter 6

It came as a surprise the next morning when Elizabeth was woken by a buzz from the concierge of her building to tell her that she had two visitors. She wasn't awake enough to consider they could be a threat. In fact she assumed it could be George or Isabel, or maybe Juliet with Lily so she told the man to let them in. She was even more surprised when she opened the door and Stevie barrelled in and hugged her tightly.

"Baby.." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around her now adult child. "You've grown so much."

"Mom, I missed you so much." Stevie was openly weeping and Elizabeth could feel her robe getting wet at the shoulder. She moved back through the door and looked at Henry as he closed the door behind him. She wordlessly led them both through to the sitting area in her apartment. It wasn't the Ritz, but she had more than enough money to get a decent place to live now that she was based in D.C. She sat awkwardly on the sofa, pulling Stevie closer in to her arms.

"I didn't expect to see you here." Elizabeth hugged Stevie but spoke to Henry.

"We were worried about you, you were so upset on the phone and you sounded like you had a bad night, we wanted to make sure you were ok." He spoke softly, the emotion of seeing Elizabeth and Stevie together was too much for him.

Elizabeth had tears slowly running down her face, the simple fact that he was worried about her was something she had never expected to get back.

She stroked Stevie's head, the enormity of the realisation she'd had the night before making her more emotional than normal. "I'm so sorry that I put other people before you." She kissed her forehead.

Stevie sat back and wiped her face. "I need to hear this from you, why did you go? Why did you stay away? I need to know mom or I don't know how to get passed this."

Elizabeth was stricken, she had tried to rationalise all her actions as good for the kids when she believed that they didn't want her. But now, with last night's information, she was struggling to answer the basic questions. "Oh baby…..it is so complicated…..I don't think I could answer those questions in even an hour, never mind a minute."

Henry could see her distress and decided to help her. "How about we let your mom get dressed, we'll go get us all some breakfast and then your mom and I can try and put some pieces back together." He smiled gently at Elizabeth and she returned it, watching as he continued to speak. "She's right," Henry indicated to Elizabeth, "this is complicated, that's why I left your brother and sister at the farm." He sighed a little. "You tell me you are an adult Stevie, so you're going to have to realise this might not be easily explained or easy to accept."

Elizabeth nodded her agreement at Henry's comments, then turned back to face Stevie, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Go with your dad baby, then we can talk and I can come out to Virginia and stay at the hotel for a couple of days, we can talk more then."

"Ok." She stood up then turned back to face her mother. "I need to know one thing before I decide what to do. Do you still love us?"

Elizabeth welled up again and nodded, "Yes, I always have."

Stevie nodded. "Ok, I'm not sure I will ever understand all of this, but I realised last night that I love you mom and I want you in my life." She sniffed and turned to make for the door. Henry stood to follow her and Elizabeth was left reeling at her daughters revelation.

"Henry." Elizabeth stood and spoke quietly so that Stevie wouldn't hear. "Before we discuss anything else, I need you to know, I've not been in a relationship with anyone else."

Henry reached for her hand, this was not a conversation he had expected, "Me either." He said quietly but noticed that she flinched a little when he touched her. He moved closer to her. "Something really bad happened, didn't it?" He asked aware that their daughter was behind him.

Elizabeth ducked her head, unable to meet his gaze, "Yeah, it did." She whispered.

Henry nodded, his eyes filling with tears for the trauma she had faced alone. He cleared his throat to stop the emotion from keeping his voice from breaking. "We'll be back, I promise, and we will talk, you're not alone anymore."

She smiled a little at him. "Neither are you."

Henry walked away from her, knowing that she needed the chance to compose herself before facing the questions that Stevie had for her.

They were back 30mins later with bagels, juice and coffee and Elizabeth opened the door fully dressed this time.

"Let's sit round the table" she said as she got out plates for the bagels.

They sat at her dining table, each waiting for the other to start talking.

Elizabeth didn't know what Stevie had been told so was worried about saying something that Henry wouldn't want her to know. As much as she wanted to be a part of her children's lives, she realised that Henry had been the sole parent and he had the right to say what the children knew.

Henry, for his part, was simply struck by the fact that he was in her presence and that he had just told her not an hour before that she was no longer alone. Where on earth did that come from? He had expected to meet her last night, have a really good argument and then never see her again. He was waiting for Stevie to talk, yes he and Elizabeth had a lot to discuss but most of that was likely to be private and he didn't necessarily want his daughter to be part of that.

Stevie was just amazed that she was here with both her parent's. She had spent much of her teenage years deliberately avoiding contact with her mother and now, she had instigated a trip to D.C. to see her. She didn't really know where to start but figured it would have to be her who spoke first.

She looked at her mom, she looked so much more vulnerable than she ever had before and Stevie had to get her guilt out there before she asked any questions. "I'm sorry I didn't take your calls for the last while. I promise I didn't say anything to Ali or Jason to turn them against you."

Elizabeth looked at her clutched hands and then at her daughter. "You thought I didn't love you or want to come home, I understand."

Having tried to explain her own actions, Stevie was now even more determined to find out what had gone wrong with her mom. She took no time to formulate the question and simply blurted out, "What happened mom? Why did everything fall apart?"

Elizabeth sighed, "I'm not sure baby," she answered truthfully, her eyes never leaving her clasped hands. "Things were said and feelings were hurt and then days turned into months and suddenly I didn't have a home to go to."

"You always had a home." Henry stated firmly, he wasn't going to let the whole situation be blamed on one comment from Conrad Dalton, she had to take some responsibility here.

"Maybe" she whispered hearing the accusation in his voice. Elizabeth took a deep breath she needed to say her piece but she was unsure whether Henry would accept it. "Look, Henry, you and I clearly need to talk through what happened, I am happy to do most of that with Stevie but we are both going share things that will anger the other. We need to decide if we can leave the past in the past and hear each other out or if it would be better to seek some help in how to talk to each other again."

Henry was quite shocked at her forthrightness, perhaps he was going to have to not only be listened to, as was his plan the night before, but also listen. He was also going to have to understand that he might not like what he heard.

He nodded, "Okay. I agree to try, but we need to agree to be honest, no holding back. Agreed?"

Elizabeth nodded, and then looked from Henry to Stevie, "What do you want to know?"

Stevie thought back over the years that they had been apart. She had been considering their lives without her mother for the last few hours, ever since her dad sat in her bedroom. She thought of the trouble that she had been in over the last few years, Alison's mental state and her little brother and his conspiracy theory about how his mother was kidnapped. She remembered how devastated they had all been after Paris and their failed holiday. But she wanted to start at the beginning.

"Why did you take the job in Baghdad?"

Elizabeth breathed deeply, she had wondered where her daughter would want to begin and wasn't very surprised that it was right at the start. "Because at the time I was the best person to change how we gained intelligence information. I wrote a paper advocating methods of examining witnesses without using torture. I could make a difference so I agreed to go."

"Did dad try to stop you?" Her father had never confirmed or denied that they had argued before her mom left but Stevie figured there had to be a reason why they were so cool towards each other.

Elizabeth looked at Henry to confirm he was happy for her to answer, actually Henry was quite curious about what she would say.

Elizabeth could feel her eyes brimming with tears but tried to answer the question. "We had probably the biggest fight of our marriage. He said things would never be the same and he was right." She wiped her eyes. "Your dad would never stop me, but he couldn't understand why I had to go."

Henry jumped in, "We had three kids Elizabeth, all of whom we loved and wanted, why would you need to be half way round the world from them?"

Elizabeth's past anger at Henry began to creep in to her voice as she responded. "I told you before, I kept seeing the planes going into the towers, I had to stop it happening again." She paused, trying to calm down. "And I did, multiple times."

"But you left us, for 8 years." Stevie whispered.

"No." Elizabeth answered forcibly, "I left you for two!"

"And this gets us to the heart of the problem. What did Conrad have to say for himself?" Henry asked her.

"He said that he needed me in my post and that it was for the greater good, just like you thought." She replied with little emotion in her voice.

"So he told you that we didn't want you back?" Stevie asked, her uncertainty in the story clear in her tone of voice.

Elizabeth cleared her throat, she had been going over this all night, trying to remember those precious few days, because remembering itself was a real struggle. "I came to Paris to try and see if I still had a marriage," she began slowly, "and your dad was amazing. He had been angry that I had stayed the extra year but he accepted me which I hadn't expected. And then there was you guys, you were all amazing, you had all grown so much and I loved seeing you." She smiled at Stevie remembering the occasion, "I remember Jason was so excited at the idea of going to Disney and seeing his favourite characters." She wiped her cheek, lost in the memories. "That night, well I think it was, I had a conversation with Conrad. I was so excited, I had done my job and much to my surprise my family still wanted me. I was ready to come home." She smiled sadly at Henry and then finished her story. "Then the next day Conrad called back, the op that I was leading got new intelligence, the crucial kind. He was sending me to Afghanistan, promised it was my last trip, so I got on a plane. Then when I arrived in country, I spoke to him again and he told me your dad was angry and upset that I had left and that he thought it would be best if I didn't keep jumping into your lives. He said that your dad didn't want me." The tears that she had held in for most of the morning were now silently running down her cheeks.

Stevie shook her head, not able to take in that information, "But mom, I remember you and dad back then, how could you believe that."

Elizabeth tried to form an answer but was surprised when Henry answered the question. "Because it sounded like what you expected me to say." He said quietly and Elizabeth looked at him and nodded.

"I don't understand mom."

"Oh sweetie, I know you maybe remember this strong woman as your mom but that has always been a bit of a cover." She wrung her hands together showing her anxiety. She knew that she needed to explain but found it so difficult. "All my life I've expected people to leave me. My parents were great but not always around, then when they died and left me, I had no-one. Will and I were financially well off, I had more money than I could ever spend and others knew it, so anyone that was around me seemed to want something. It ended up being easier to be alone, especially when people would leave when they realised I wouldn't just hand over money to them." She looked from Stevie to Henry and remembered the joy she had felt on meeting him and smiled tentatively. "Then after many years I found your dad and he was different. He wanted nothing from me, except my presence and my love and although I loved him, I never really believed I was enough for him. So when Conrad told me that he was upset with me, it seemed logical. I had left again after promising not too and he was doing what he thought was best for you guys."

Elizabeth looked at her hands, her fingers twisting together, trying to decide whether to continue, then to her surprise her hands were covered by both Henry's and Stevie's. She tried to slow her breathing at the touch of their hands, it was still something that she struggled with and she could feel her panic rising. She tried to concentrate on the two people in the room but her mind kept drifting.

She began talking again trying to force the bad memories away, "I got on with my job, I can't tell you the details but it went wrong, I was injured in an attempted take-down of a suspect and then I was captured. They….it…" she cleared her throat trying to find the words that just wouldn't come. She had to pull her hands back from their grasp to try and get some control but it was quickly slipping away. She looked imploringly at her child. "Stevie, they did things that I just can't tell you…..I was broken and when I got out, I assumed your father would want nothing to do with me." She pushed the chair back and rose from the table then crossed the room quickly disappearing to another room of the apartment. She really needed some space, she needed to get away.

 **AN: Hope no-one needs tissues but I got upset writing it. So the next part starts straight after this and I hope to have it up over the weekend.**


	7. What happened

Chapter 7

So here is chapter 7, the penultimate chapter. It's a long one, but I couldn't see where to split it and the emotion builds up nicely through it. Just a little warning there is discussion of torture and rape but nothing is graphic.

 _Previously_

 _Elizabeth began talking again trying to force the bad memories away, "I got on with my job, I can't tell you the details but it went wrong, I was injured in an attempted takedown of a suspect and then I was captured. They….it…" she cleared her throat trying to find the words, she had to pull her hands back from their grasp to try and get some control but it was quickly slipping away. She looked imploringly at her child. "Stevie, they did things that I just can't tell you…..I was broken and when I got out, I assumed your father would want nothing to do with me." She pushed the chair back and rose from the table then crossed the room quickly disappearing to another room of the apartment. She really needed some space, she needed to get away._

Back at the table, Stevie was stricken over the pain she saw in her mother's eyes and rose to follow her but Henry caught her hand across the table. "Honey don't," Stevie sat down again at her father's concerned tone as he continued to speak. "She needs space; I don't think she can cope with us so close at the moment. Didn't you see how she struggled with us holding her hands while she thought about what happened."

"But dad, we've seen her since this happened, she never reacted like this before."

Henry sighed, he had read a lot about PTSD in the time since he was in the Marine's. "I suspect that she has PTSD and it's likely that every time when she came to see us she had a plan. She knew what would happen, had maybe even talked it through with someone. But today, we've pushed her and gone past her boundaries, so it makes her mind more edgy, she can't predict what's going to happen."

The silence in the room was not oppressive but did give Stevie the chance to consider the situation. Her mom had said that stuff had been done to her that she couldn't tell her. It had to be bad. "Do you think she was raped?" Stevie asked quietly, not sure that she wanted to know the answer. She made eye-contact with her dad and his desolate face said it all.

"Yeah sweetie I do, I think she was probably tortured, attacked and raped, more times than I ever want to think about."

Stevie was shocked at her dad's honest answer; she knew that they'd had various conversations about her being an adult now but she never expected him to be so blunt with her. Then she thought back to what her mom had said before she'd walked out the room, she didn't believe her dad would want her after all that was done to her and she decided to be blunt right back. "You should go tell her that you still love her and you would have wanted her no matter what, because you do dad, I can see it in your eyes."

Henry's eyes shot from the table where he'd been staring to meet those of his daughters. "I'm not sure either of us are ready for that conversation Stevie, we haven't really talked to each other in over 5 years."

Stevie huffed, parents were really hard to raise! She had discovered that the hard way over the last few years. "Dad, it doesn't mean you get back together today, but if you don't tell her that you love her, she will always assume that what happened to her was enough to stop you loving her."

Henry could feel the tears coming to his eyes. Stevie was right, if Elizabeth had come home after that op he would have been there for her through everything. She deserved to know that, even if it didn't lead to their relationship mending, she deserved that much.

He stood and made for the door that she had left through. He went through into the bedroom area of the apartment and tried to work out where she would be. He didn't want to spook her, especially if the conversation they'd been having was bringing back flashbacks. He slowly opened one of the doors to discover a bedroom, clearly the one she was using. It was quite bare, with several boxes still to be unpacked, but he could see a photo in a frame on the side of the bed.

His curiosity getting the better of him, Henry moved to the side of the bed to see the one personal item in her bedroom. He came closer and recognition sparked through him, it was a photo taken of them all when Jason was about 2 months old. He and Elizabeth were sitting on a rug on his parent's front lawn. They were both looking into each other's eyes, love was the main emotion he could read on both their faces. The girls were leaning over their shoulders, Alison must have been about 4 and barely could see over her mother's shoulder and Stevie stood behind him. 8 years old and as stubborn as her mother, she didn't look happy and for the life of him, Henry couldn't remember why. Then there was Jason, he was tiny in Henry's arms. Where had the time gone and more importantly where had that happy family gone. He had allowed one conversation with her boss to ruin that picture. Henry reached out and stroked Elizabeth's face behind the glass, why had he let her go?

"I found it a couple of months ago when I moved in." Her voice was quiet and still filled with tears.

Henry turned towards her and watched as she emerged from the room that was clearly her bathroom. They stood facing each other, Elizabeth's face was red and a little blotchy showing her tears and her twitching lip gave away the fact that they were not far away even although she had washed her face.

Elizabeth tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, self-consciously aware of Henry's stare, she began to speak quickly. "Sorry….I had to leave I needed…"

"You needed space, I know, it's ok." He watched her register the words when she had clearly expected him to berate her for not staying at the table. They had so much hurt to overcome and they were not even scratching the surface yet. He slowly walked around the bed towards her, aware that she unconsciously backed away from him, "Have you been seeing someone about your PTSD?" he asked gently.

She gasped, surprised, she hadn't realised he would be able to tell. "How did you know?"

Henry smiled a little, her non answer actually telling him everything he needed to hear. "Oh babe….it's pretty obvious, I'm just annoyed with myself that I never looked at you properly over the times we saw each other to see it before."

Elizabeth bottled her emotions again, tearing her gaze away from his and shrugged. "I made sure no-one knew. I think Will maybe guessed but we don't see each other much and he never asked." She folded her arms in front of her, a classic sign of protecting herself. She was beginning to panic again and it was obvious to Henry that it was due to him being in her space so he backed away from her.

"Do you think you could come back through?" He asked aware that she might end the discussions now given her reaction to her memories.

Elizabeth nodded, her eyes darting to the open door behind Henry feeling blocked in.

"I'm gonna go and wait there, come back through soon, ok." Henry made his way to the door and could see her calming down just with him moving away. God, he had been so heartless in the last few years to not notice this. He glanced back at her and then made his way back to the other room but was surprised to find her close behind him by the time he got to the main living area.

He turned as they entered the room, he had no idea what to say, even although he knew he should take Stevie's advice. He needed to know if what had happened was what he imagined, or hell, was it even worse. He made sure that she had sight of the front door and that he was not in her way then gently asked. "Can you tell me what happened, even just a summary, just so I know."

She nodded, but glanced at Stevie at the table "Not Stevie, I can't do that."

"Ok, just me." He moved closer so she could talk quietly and not let Stevie hear. "Do you want to sit or stand?"

She put her hand across her mouth, gasping at his realisation that she needed to be in control of where the conversation took place. No-one had understood that before, granted she hadn't told many people; her boss at the CIA and the original, useless, therapist they had found for her. It had taken over a year for her to find a therapist she trusted and only then did she begin to come to terms with what had been done to her.

She looked over at Stevie again, who although watching them, deliberately picked up a magazine and began to read so that her parents could talk privately. Elizabeth looked back at Henry and leaned against the wall where she was and Henry relaxed his stance.

"It was bad Henry," he nodded, accepting that would be the case. "The op went bad, there was three of us and the IED took out the rest of my team and left me with shrapnel wounds in my hip." She pulled up her t-shirt a little and he could see multiple scars.

"I had no means of communication and couldn't walk, when they arrived there was no getting away." She looked down and Henry could tell she was retreating behind the emotion of the story. That was alright though, he'd had conversations with so many vets that did the same. It was easier to process if you shut down your emotions, so he let her do it too.

Elizabeth couldn't meet his eyes for the moment as she continued to explain. "There were 6 of them I think, they wanted information and they weren't afraid to try anything to get it." She stopped and looked up at him, trying desperately to get him to understand what had happened without her having to say it. Then she saw it in his eyes, the understanding of how they had tortured her. "It's what you think Henry, they did everything they could to break me, they tortured me in ways that I just can't bring myself to voice, I have scars all over my body.

She folded her arms and Henry could tell she was worrying the fabric of her t-shirt, he was struggling not to reach out for her. She continued talking, "When that didn't work they used psychological techniques; isolation, threat of death, fear. At the same time, they used me in the worst way possible," She finally met his eyes, her voice breaking as she spoke to him, "They weren't like you, they weren't gentle. They damaged me and I haven't fully recovered." She kept his gaze, expecting his to turn to distain, then she looked past him to see Stevie and focussed on her as she spoke. "You wouldn't have wanted me Henry, and that's ok, I didn't want me either. It was better that I stayed away."

She walked away from him back towards Stevie.

"You're wrong." His strong voice carried across the room.

Elizabeth slowly turned to face him.

"I loved you then, and I still love you now." Henry took a deep breath, shocked at his own revelation but realising deep in his being that he meant it. "You may not think you are worthy of me, but you're wrong. Nothing that any of those men could do would ever stop me loving you."

Stevie had been watching while pretending to read the magazine and could feel the tears roll down her cheeks. She maybe hadn't heard the whole conversation but she had a pretty good idea what 'those men' had done to her mom and she loved her parent's more for how they were dealing with this.

"Why didn't you tell me that, before now?" Elizabeth asked choking on her words, not understanding how her husband could just let her go as he seemed to have done.

Henry stepped closer to her, still allowing her some space. "I thought you made a choice. I thought you didn't want me." Henry tried to explain. "I told Conrad to get you to choose. I wanted you to come home but you didn't so I figured you didn't choose me." He shrugged trying not to show her how hurtful that decision had been. "Then I assumed you were doing the same as Will and living your life alone. You had done it before we were together, so when Conrad told me you weren't coming back I decided to focus on the kids."

"What did he tell you?" Elizabeth whispered.

Henry broke her gaze and walked past her to the table and sat down again. He also needed space because for the first time in several years he realised that he was perhaps a little to blame too. He had believed Conrad, he had not trusted their relationship enough to try and speak to her, and all that time she was dealing with trauma.

"When you didn't come back to Paris after a week, I called him at Langley, demanding to know what was going on. He told me you had to go on an op, no details obviously but you should be back in a week or so. I was angry, we'd had a great few days and I couldn't believe you had chosen to go. Then another week went by and there was no word. Conrad sent a message through the embassy, said you had decided to go in country for another assignment and we should head home, without you. He never told me anything was wrong, from my point of view you chose not to contact us, eventually Conrad called again out of the blue, said you had been given another op and you were happy. God I can't believe he told me that, you must have been in so much pain, and he told me that. I'm so sorry…" Henry started crying, devastated at the realisation that he had been played.

Elizabeth walked up behind him and gently put her hand on his shoulder, she could feel his body heaving with deep sobs. "He lied to both of us. Henry, you couldn't have known that everything he said was a lie."

There was a silence around the table as all three came to terms with the fact that someone that had been their friend and confidant had done this to them.

"What are you going to do now mom?" Stevie asked quietly.

"You mean about the job?" Elizabeth asked as she moved from behind Henry to sit at the table again.

"Yeah…..and us…..the kids, they miss you but you being back is going to be difficult for them too." Stevie looked at the table, she didn't know how either Alison and Jason would deal with these revelations, and her mom might need to realise it wouldn't go well.

"I know…" Elizabeth paused and then tentatively reached out for her daughter's hand. "Stevie, I accepted a long time ago that I wouldn't be in your lives much...but if your dad says it's ok, I would like to try. I want to be a part of your lives, even if it's not fully as your mom." She looked from Stevie to Henry, hoping that he would grant her request.

Henry composed himself again, trying to put in the back of his mind that they had lost so many years and focussing what she asked. "We need to take it slowly." Elizabeth nodded at him waiting for him to continue. "Stevie's right, Ali and Jason will find this even stranger because we can't fully explain to them why everything happened." He paused, "Are you going to take the job?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I know the job, I could be good, but I can't trust Conrad anymore, so no, I'm not going to take the job. I'll let him explain why I have pulled out."

Henry took in that information; he knew that she wouldn't force the issue about being around the kids. However, he also knew that he couldn't in all honesty keep the kids away from her. He meant what he had told her, he did love her. He wasn't sure if that was still a romantic love or more a feeling from the past, but he felt it and he knew Stevie was feeling something too. Elizabeth deserved the chance to see if she could be in their lives, even if, as she said, it wasn't as a mom. He looked directly at her. "Would you like to come back to be closer to us in Virginia We all miss you and you deserve the chance to make this right."

Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears; he wasn't inviting her back to live with them but she could be close by and get to know them all again. "Yeah I would."

"I need you to know this is about you and the kids." Henry ducked his head. "I can't do you and me right now, ok?" Henry squirmed a little under her gaze.

Elizabeth smiled, even when they had been apart for so long they were still on the same wave length. "Agreed, you and I have lived separate lives for a long time now, we are going to have to get to know each other again."

Henry reached over and covered her hand with his, smiling at her answer. "On the up side, if you are out of work, we will have lots of time for that."

Elizabeth smiled at him, they had only scraped the surface of the collapse of their relationship but it was more than she had ever hoped for.

 **AN: So there is an epilogue to finish this story, I will post that during the week. Let me know what you thought of this. Those of you that needed tissues before, I suspect may have used a whole box this time!**


	8. Happily Ever After?

**So folks, here is the end of this story. I hope you enjoy the ending. I really enjoyed writing this and found this quite emotional to write. Thanks for all the reviews and follows. Thanks for all the support.**

Epilogue

Elizabeth was standing at the window of the main living room of the farmhouse in Virginia. The snow was deep this year, much deeper than Elizabeth could remember from her childhood in the state, the whole landscape looked incredible. She was feeling cosy being warmed by the wood burner behind her in the hearth. It had been nearly a year since the fateful night that Henry had come to the ball to meet her and in that time her life had been completely changed.

They had, however, taken things quite slowly.

After the conversation between the three of them in D.C. Henry and Stevie had returned to the farm to speak to the younger kids. She'd had an agonising wait for nearly a week before Henry had called her asking her to come down for a visit. It had not been easy on any of them. Henry had told Alison and Jason that she was back in the US and wanted to be in their lives, neither child had been sure what that actually meant. So she had started rebuilding the relationship with them with something small; meeting for dinner at the kid's favourite restaurant.

Elizabeth smiled at the memory of Jason in particular who had walked in that Sunday afternoon and ran and launched himself at his mother. The reaction alone had brought tears to her eyes. Jason had hugged her and demanded to know if she was now free from the CIA and their kidnappers. She had been unsure what to say, misinterpreting his question and thinking that he knew about her actual kidnap, then Henry had stepped in.

"Your mom is not in the CIA anymore, she's here to see you and will be staying in town like I told you."

It had been quite a difficult meal and Elizabeth had wished several times that the meeting was in private given the questions that both children had, but she had agreed with Henry to take it slowly.

Perhaps what had hurt the most, although she should have expected it, was that both children did not expect her to remain in the area and were surprised almost every time she picked them up from school or made plans and kept them. But ever so slowly those looks had disappeared and she realised that they were all beginning to believe that she might stay.

Elizabeth had not taken another job after rejecting the State Department, although she had been head-hunted by many, and spent her time getting to know her children again. She loved finding out all the little nuances of their characters.

They were all incredibly brilliant, each doing well in school and Stevie would be off to college soon. Stevie had decided to take a year out in order to get to know her mom as an adult, not a ten-year-old, but she would be going to UVA in the fall next year, following her parent's footsteps, and allowing her to still be close to her mom.

Jason had delighted in having his 'soccer mom' to take to all his games and for her to be part of his life again. He was so like her in many ways and she deeply regretted not being around for his childhood. The home movies that Henry had taken and the photos were never enough.

As for Alison, she had been the biggest challenge. When Elizabeth had finally been allowed through her daughter's walls, she found a little girl terrified that she wasn't enough to keep the attention of her mother. It was going to take a long time for Alison to accept that Elizabeth loved her and that she would always be around. Even now, a year later, it was always Alison who questioned if there was a change to the schedule or plans.

The year had also provided many opportunities for the family to visit others. Given Henry's job at UVA, they had all the school holidays to spend time together. At Easter, the kids and Henry had gone to Pittsburgh, their grandmother was ill and Elizabeth insisted they went to see her. She had assumed, given the conversation she had overheard last year, that she would not be welcome, so had stayed in Virginia. It had been a real surprise when her former mother-in-law had called and personally invited her to join the family in Pittsburgh. Elizabeth had booked in to a hotel, not wanting to intrude on the family time but she had been grateful for the opportunity to be part of the McCord family again. She hadn't been sure what to expect when she had turned up at the door. Henry's mother was resting on the sofa and had asked everyone else to leave the room, much to Maureen's annoyance. Elizabeth had sat beside Mary McCord, expecting to be berated for leaving her family but she had been wrong.

" _Henry explained what happened to you in Afghanistan." The older woman had said quietly._

 _Elizabeth, not very comfortable, had nodded to her._

" _Darlin, I have no idea how it felt to be in that situation and I don't necessarily agree about the way you handled it by not coming back, but I'm glad you are back in those kids lives."_

 _Elizabeth wasn't surprised Henry had spoken to his mother, they were always close. She did wonder how much she had been told so asked, "Did Henry tell you about my boss?"_

" _That he did, I tell you if I could take back my vote I would. How dare that man use you! You deserved to be with your family."_

" _I am now." Elizabeth had added quietly._

 _Mary had reached over and taken Elizabeth's hand slowly. "Take care of Henry, he needs you."_

 _The conversation had turned to silence and Mary had fallen asleep, the rest of the family had arrived home and the holiday had progressed as normal with Elizabeth welcomed by Mary and therefore anyone else who wanted to be in her home._

They had enjoyed their time in Pittsburgh and Elizabeth had been grateful for the opportunity to clear the air, especially when in June, barely two months later, Mary McCord had died. She was going to really miss the Irish matriarch of the McCord family.

In August, Henry, Elizabeth and the kids had taken a trip to London to visit Will and his family. She and Henry had grown closer during the visit as they reminisced about their trip when Stevie was a baby. They had all done the tourist things, rode a London bus, taken in a show, tried to visit the Queen and for the first time Elizabeth had felt like this might work. At least with the kids.

However, the one thing that had confused all the children had been when she had moved, in September, from her apartment in town not in to the main farmhouse but into the room above the stables that Henry had converted for her. Both she and Henry had made the decision together and they were very happy with the plan but all of the children had wondered why she wasn't living with them. Stevie understood more than the other two, that her parents were not together, all three were desperate for the happy ending of books and films. In one conversation with Alison and Stevie she had tried to explain that sometimes happy endings didn't come or they took a lot more work than Hollywood had time for in a film. However, that didn't mean she didn't want a happy ending either.

Elizabeth had moved into the main house last week when Jason and Alison had told her they wanted her there for Christmas morning. She and Henry were making some progress. They were focusing more on how to be joint parents more than how to be a couple, but now Elizabeth was feeling the need to define exactly where they stood. She had no desire to find someone else but she knew that every day she was falling more and more in love with Henry and if he didn't feel the same she needed know. She needed to protect her heart.

It was strange how one's imagination worked, Elizabeth mused. She'd read feelings into Henry's actions all the time since the summer, and when the kids had suggested she move in for Christmas she had secretly hoped that Henry was behind the request. The kids had suggested in at Thanksgiving and she had built up the request in her head ever since. However, the hope that Henry was behind it, was dashed when he showed her to the guest room. It was stupid of her to think there was any other option as they hadn't even kissed but she had been gutted, there was no other word for it and had spent the last few nights crying herself to sleep.

Ironically, being here had made the situation starker. During the day, he was attentive, kind and almost like her best friend from the early days of their marriage, but as soon as the kids left them alone he would withdraw from her and Elizabeth knew she needed to ask the question, did he see a future for them as a couple or just as parents. What she couldn't decide was whether to deal with this before Christmas morning or after. It wasn't a case of ruining the day, although she didn't want that, but she could feel her PTSD getting worse again and her anxiety increasing.

She was still staring out of the window and jumped when a hand touched her shoulder. She crossed her arms and clung to her jumper before turning and seeing Henry behind her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, you have been here for over an hour looking out the window. Are you alright?" He asked quietly. "You've been distracted for a couple of days."

Elizabeth looked at him, his eyes were open and she felt like she could see into his soul and she decided that she could wait no longer.

"Do you think there will ever be a time when you would want me as your wife again?" She asked, the emotion catching in her throat as she spoke.

He looked at her, shocked at the question. "Why now?"

Elizabeth looked anywhere in the room but at him. She could feel his surprise at the question and suspected that she would not like his answer, but she needed to explain. "Because I need to know. I love you, I never stopped, but I can't keep hoping for something if you don't think it will ever happen." She took a deep breath, "It doesn't need to be today Henry, or even next month but I need to know there is hope or I will need to move back to the stables."

"Honestly, I don't know." He answered quietly.

Elizabeth stepped back from him and nodded. "Just think about it over the holiday ok." Her voice broke as she looked into his eyes. "This isn't an ultimatum Henry, I'm not going anywhere and I have no desire to be with someone else, but I can't cope with not knowing. If your answer is no, that's ok, I told you before I never expected you to want me again, but please just tell me."

She walked away from him and up to her 'new' room. It was nice, Stevie had done a good job of decorating and had put pictures of all of them around the room. She dressed for bed and then let the emotion take her and she wept, because although she was grateful to have a place in her kid's lives, what she yearned for was Henry.

Henry stayed in the living room after she left. He was genuinely surprised at her question, although looking back perhaps it should have been expected. They hadn't really done anything to connect as a couple in the last 11 months, choosing to focus on the kids. However, he had seen the look on her face when he had taken her to the guest room last week when the kids asked her to move back in. He had done it for both of them, they weren't ready for that level of intimacy. He also didn't know if she would ever be ready for that. She had told him more about her time as a prisoner and it had disgusted him to the core. If he was her, he would never want a man near him again.

But here she was, asking the question. Did he want her as his wife?

He didn't lie to her; he really didn't know. There was a huge part of him that loved her, wanted her back so badly it literally hurt. He would often catch himself just watching her as she spent time with the kids. However, he had no idea whether they could make this work and he needed to keep her here. If they tried to get together and it failed, she might leave and he couldn't live through that again.

He walked round the ground floor of the house securing the windows and the doors and then made his way up to his room. He was almost into the bedroom when he heard her crying next door. Oh he could cope with a lot, but not her in tears, especially not over him. But what should he do, he didn't have an answer for her, so did he have the right to comfort her? He suddenly realised that perhaps he was doing what Conrad had done for many years, he was making the decisions without her. She had complained many times about how it now felt that Conrad had 'played God' with her life and now he was doing the same. He was assuming she would leave, he was assuming they would not work, but he wasn't allowing her a say in it at all.

He walked back down the hall and stood in front of the door struggling to decide what to do. Finally, when she sobbed heavier, he made a snap decision and opened the door, hoping she wouldn't be scared by his intrusion.

"Baby, are you ok?" His voice broke.

"Go away Henry," She said flatly. "I don't need you to see me like this."

She was curled in a ball at the far side of the bed and Henry felt himself pulled towards her. "I need to see you like this, you see, it reminds me that maybe you need me as much as I need you."

Elizabeth scoffed from under her duvet. "You don't need me Henry, that has been obvious all year! You have welcomed me, but you don't need me."

Henry's heart broke a little more, he thought they had covered this. "Oh Elizabeth, you're wrong. Don't you see, the only reason I have been holding back is I am terrified of losing you again if we can't make it work."

She sat up to look at him and could see the sadness in his eyes, "But if we never try then we will end up living a half-life and we deserve more than that."

Henry thought for a moment. They had lost so many years and now they were both together again, she was the love of his life and they did deserve to have that love back again. "You're right, we do." He said quietly.

She smiled up at him, his eyes gentle and kind as he looked at her. "We don't have to rush this." She said her hands twisting in the covers concerned that things were going to move too fast now that she had spoken. She looked away from his gaze, the shame of past memories still affecting how she reacted to anyone in her personal space but Henry even more because what she asked of him would ultimately mean she had to face the demons she had tried to run from for 7 years. "I still have lots of issues to get past….." she whispered.

"Come over here baby." He asked realising that he couldn't move closer to her, it might seem like an invasion to her. So he came no closer to her, letting her make the decision. She slowly moved from the bed and stood in front of him. He smiled at her pyjamas, the Eeyore ones that the kids had bought for her birthday – I don't do mornings! emblazoned on the front. He reached his arms around her slowly not wanting to spook her and gently pulled her towards him. He hugged her like he used to and she loved it.

"I missed you so much." He whispered.

"Me too." She put her head in to the crook of his neck and pulled him tighter, tears falling from her eyes and wetting his shirt.

"I love you Elizabeth, we are in this together, for the long haul."

"I love you too, I'm so sorry for ruining everything."

"Ssshhh, we agreed last year that all that was behind us, it doesn't matter anymore. You're here and I'm here and nothing is going to get in the way. Ok?"

She nodded into his neck as a response and let herself be comforted by the only person in the world that had ever been able to get close to her.

By Christmas morning it was obvious to the three McCord children that their parent's had moved forward in their relationship. Each had a slightly different reaction to the change they were witnessing. Jason found it disturbing that he could no longer walk into any room in the house without seeing them kissing.

"I mean, c'mon, I don't even go into their bedrooms and still I have caught them three times in the last two days!" He complained to his sisters, although they could both tell he was secretly delighted they were getting along.

Alison, who still had no knowledge of what had happened to her mom, was really happy but hoped nothing would happen that would send her mom away again. She was so worried that when Elizabeth was clearing out the stables she decided to ask her.

"Mom, are you still gonna be here even if you and dad can't make it work?"

Elizabeth had turned from her chores and walked over to hug her middle child. "I promise, I am not going anywhere. We are keeping the room upstairs here in case we need it but your dad and I still love each other and want to make a go of this."

Stevie was the most delighted. She had known all year that her parents loved each other, to her it was obvious. But, the fact that she also knew of what happened to her mom meant she realised that this was a huge step for both of them and they would need time to process it. When, on Christmas Eve, she had seen her parents in the family room just staring at each other, she knew they would be fine and so found the whole thing incredibly romantic.

Henry and Elizabeth, completely oblivious to most of their children's thoughts about their relationship, were simply enjoying getting to know each other. They had not done more than kissing and Elizabeth was still in the guest room but now they spent time together when the kids weren't there. They would willingly reach out and touch each other more, of course he had to give her warning and often waited for her to instigate by taking his hand or touching his back as she passed him but they were getting there. Both of them knew it would take a long time before Elizabeth would let her walls down completely and they were unlikely to get back the same free intimate relationship they'd had at the beginning of their marriage, but for now, they were delighted to be together and trying to recreate the love they had shared when they were young.

 **AN: So that's it, hope to have another story with you soon. Hope no-one needed too many tissues for this one (you know who you are!)**


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